Monday, December 09, 2013

Seek and Search

I started this blog in 2006 but I have been blogging off and on since 2004 granted not that I am the most reliable or consistent blogger but I have tried. In 2011 we moved back to the south and I haven't blogged much since then for a variety of reasons.It has taken a while to settle back here but now after two years I feel this is home. I still miss my beloved Oregon everyday but my family is here and here is where home is now.

I have faced over the past 12 years just about every thing you can face and am still here pushing forward. In the past 12 years I have lost both parents and a child I wanted more than anything, we have faced financial failure due to the mortgage crisis in 2008 and moved cross country twice. Life is still not easy for us as we both work full time jobs .

I say  that to say this I feel that struggles like the ones we have faced can either make you  or break you. I think though that maybe I have went through all that I have gone through so that I can help others. I understand what it is to be in the valley.

In this valley of life I have been in I feel as though somewhere along the way I lost a lot of my faith and hope .I will admit that at times I have had my doubts about a higher power and still do. I am just being completely honest and real here.

In the coming year I want to do what my friend Tiffini at House of Belonging talked about last year. I want to reboot all aspects of my life.I want to  Reboot these areas:
1. Health- I have let this area go resulting in me being overweight and diabetic. I need to come up with  a plan for us to eat clean and healthy without breaking the bank and do so within our not so normal work schedules. I have to work exercise into the mix too.

2. Spiritual- I want to find my way back to some sort of spiritual base where I can find faith in a higher power again. I am going to try doing this by studying the masters such as Chesterton, C.S. Lewis,and many others. I feel that this search will lead probably to a Lutheran or Episcopal church as I find ritual and tradition give me peace.We shall see.

3.Work- I  want to find to find joy in being a nurse again. I want to find a job that I like and that doesn't steal pieces of my soul like it does now. I ache for a Monday through Friday job where I could be off weekends and holidays. I think after 30 years of being a nurse I need that.

4. Family and Friends- I want to make them the top priority and be there for them and establish traditions for my niece and nephew. I want to reconnect with the best friends I love dearly and make a few treasured new ones.

5. Creativity- I want to find a way to express myself through art or music or the written word.

In setting these goals for myself I guess that My One Little Word for
2014 is going to be Open. I want to be open to new experiences and ideas and ways of seeing things.I want that openness to crack open the shell I have built around my heart and change me for the better. I will be 50 this coming year and I know that each year and each season is a precious gift the older I get and that I need to treasure each moment as if they were a pearl found in an oyster.

My goal with is blog now is to post at least two- three times a week. I will share my thoughts on books, and nature and my journey to openness. I know I will never have thousand of followers but I hope to meet some new friends along the way.

Write your own story. Start with a clean page. One with no words. Where the ending, the next turn, next twist, next reveal, next conflict that demands a resolution, is unwritten. And where the resolution is unscripted. And when you get there, standing in the spotlight on a pedestal made for one, spill your bag of pieces on the stage and tell the world- tell them all the way back in the cheap seats- "This was once me... but it isn't anymore."”-Sunday in Unwritten




It sounds like you have been through a long and rough patch.

I am glad you are blogging again and looking for health in so many areas of your life.

I love Tiffini, too. I bet you two would enjoy a long chat over coffee.


Annie Jeffries said...

Chesterton is a marvelous place to start. I have many of his writings and books. Read Bishop Fulton Sheen as well. Mid-century speaker, scholar, and Bishop. You will be glad you did. A lot of his 1950 TV is on YouTube as well.

Annie Jeffries said...

P. S. Welcome back, Yolanda.

joanne said...

I'm so glad to see you post. I know you had moved to the other side but all of those losses, I had no idea. I am so very sorry. I know that nothing can be said to someone who has lost a child, I won't even try. Hoping you have wonderful memories of your folks to help you through the darkest of times. Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers. And yes, I pray but my faith was thoroughly shaken when my firstborn died and slowly, ever so slowly I am learning to find peace again.

Willow said...

CS Lewis is a good author to read as you search for answers. And Chesterton is too.
Glad you're back :)

Jeannette said...

Thank you for the little visit you made to one of my blogs...
This is a mighty view you have described here and it is wonderful that you have even such a glimpse. As you go forward may you rejoice in each intention no matter how small initial victories may be so forward looking and purposeful is already a gorgeous gift! And then there is you confessional openness..Wow! Press on!

Leslie said...

I loved all that you said here and especially the spirit in which you said it and your open/opening heart. I find your honesty very compelling and encouraging. I am so sorry to hear of all the loss and hardships you have suffered. I am drawn to people that have suffered much because I find they have much wisdom and sweetness of spirit that I want, that I need.
Many blessings to you!

Tiffini said...

girl...i love you. i hear the longing..the pain behind your words. but you know what else i hear? are ready to let open up to change. to drop things that are no longer working. you are looking for some new blank pages to write new stories.
i am here for you...this next year is going to be a big year for you i think:)...xotiff

GretchenJoanna said...

What Jeannette said.

Karen @ Pieces of Contentment said...

You certainly have been through so much. The year ahead is a fresh start, as indeed is each day. May this time next year find you with a greater peace and hope.