I have long been a fan of Kathy Mattea. I have loved her music since her first song on the radio "Where Have You Been". I enjoy her music because she has a clean pure voice and she is an authentic person(no frill or airs) she is just who she is. This is one of my most favorite songs of hers.It speaks to a place I am at in life and a place I think we all must someday go through.I encourage you to go to YouTube or I Tunes and listen to some of her music.I admire her most recent work Coal because like me she came from those Appalachian Roots and she has never forgotten that.
I thought of this song today for a variety of reasons today. I have found it hard to get into the Christmas Spirit this season.I think it is because with each passing year there are fewer faces of those I love here and more on the other side.I don't think I have had the Christmas Spirit since my mom died.She loved the holiday and it just isn't the same without her. You know people say loss gets easier with time and it does but the holidays always make you feel it more acutely. I may sound like a bit of the Scrooge but it is just how I feel.I know my husband feels it too for even though he still has me all of his family(sisters,parents) are gone and it does make you feel quite alone when you know between the two of us all we have left of immediate families are my sister and her children.
The other reason I thought of this song is because like much of the country we are going through some rough times financially.I have never in my 24 years of nursing faced being laid off or cut backs and the largest hospital in the state which employs 13,000 people is facing lay offs and hiring freezes for the foreseeable future.It makes me sad that I can't give to those I love what I want to be able to.I pray that the new president like FDR before him can find a way to get the country on its feet again.It makes me so irritated at the state the previous 8 years of the present administration has gotten us into.I know that there a loads of families like us who are just trying to get through one day at a time.
So back to the song. I think this song made me think as I have for the past couple of months about what I do have and where we go from here. So I hope in the coming year to live a life that makes me feel my thirst is quenched. I think I can do that by understanding that life is a series of ebb and flows and that like the seals I see at my favorite Oregon Coast beaches I just have to ride the waves.I will remind myself that gratitude is the key to seeing this all through for if I am grateful with what I do have then I find myself being more content. Gratitude for me quites the "wants" and makes me understand that there is very little I truly "need".I have also found that the things that give my life meaning cost very little and/or nothing at all like books(from the library),music,and nature. In the past couple of years I found that I feel the most near to god in nature not in a church and luckily I live in one of the most beautiful regions of the country where beauty and nature abounds at every turn. I plan this coming year to take full advantage of the Northwest's natural beauty through picnics,hiking,camping etc.If I need reminding of the majesty of the Creator I need only look at MT.HOOD in the Alpenglow or at sunrise on my way to work.
I feel a stirring in me right now that I hope awakens in the coming year. I want to be more creative and more open. I tend to be reserved and I want to open up and develop some good long lasting friendships with many of you who visit here. I feel a special kinship with you all.I think friendship is the one of the best "thirst quenchers" around.How about you? I have found that very often I don't reach out to people or let them see the real me for fear I will be rejected as I was growing up but I have to understand that their are lots of people out there just like me searching for someone to walk with them along the journey of life.Isn't any journey more fun and easier with someone to go with you?
I plan to follow the book Simple Abundance (that I found at the Goodwill)in the coming year as I attempt to live a life of Simple Abundance. I would love it if of some of you would join me on this journey.
I leave you with another of Kathy Mattea's songs.SEEDS.
Sometimes I stop on my way home
And watch the children play
And I wonder if they wonder What they'll be some day
Some will dream a big dream And make it all come true
While others go on dreaming Of things they'll never do
(Chorus)We're all just seeds In God's hands
We start the same
But where we land Is sometimes fertile soilAnd sometimes sand
We're all just seeds In god's hands
I saw a friend the other day I hardly recognized
He'd done a lot of living Since I'd last looked in his eyes
He told his tale of how he'd failed
The lessons he'd been taught
But he offered no excuses
And he left me with this thought
And as I'm standing at a crossroads once again
i'm reminded we're all the same when we begin
And in the end?
We're all just seeds In god's hands